Friday, January 27, 2012

My AHA moment

I now realize why I am currently not working. Is it because I am too good at what I do...No that would be arrogant (and yes I am good at what I do) Is it because there are no jobs for me....well that could be true but I truly do not believe that. Is it because I am under qualified...well if you believe the first statement that would not be true too. So why is it why am am not working in my field. The field of homeless mentally ill men and women, a noble profession...Why, why why OH WHY am I not working. Well after doing the first 2 days of my community service I found out why and THANK YOU GOD for pointing it out to me. I am currently doing service at a day center for mentally ill women. The staff loved the fact I dug in and helped the women with their needs. The clients where happy because I was compassionate to their needs. I was happy that I was getting my parking tickets paid for. So again can you guess why I am not working..... Hold on a moment longer.

So a woman walked into the center (no this is not the beginning of an old joke) and she had CP. She was able to walk but her speech was almost unrecognizable. The staff did the best they could but did not have the patience to sit and really listen to what she wanted. I have and wonderful friend named Dina who is one of the lights in my life and she has CP. All my friends who have met her adore her. Her speech is impaired but her mind is as sharp as a tack. I sometimes have to ask her to repeat what she is saying and I am always glad I do so because she comes up with some of the funniest things you ever want to hear. By the way, she has a reoccurring part on the HBO series LUCK starting soon. (see Dina a plug for you!!!!) Anyways I chose to take some time to find out what she needed. After several attempts, I found out what she wanted to say. It was thank you! When I said you are very welcome she smiled and caught a bus to see her doctor. Time and patience and of course compassion is what this field needs

I guess you are still wondering what my AHA moment was. Well I can tell you. It takes a special type of person to work with the severally mentally disabled homeless. I did it for 11 years and did a good job in advocating for my clients. I gave them some compassion in the hopes that they saw hope in their future. Yes I know I have not gotten to the point. I actually am kind of embarrassed to say this but my AHA moment was....I really do not like doing this job!. There I said it. I liked teaching, and job case management but I did not enjoy the rest. I think that is why I did not look hard for jobs this past 2 years, and why I am excited to look at other resources for jobs that may not stress me out so much. I enjoy being good at what I do and I LOVE LOVE LOVE helping those who need a hand. No buts there is an however...My love will always be for those who are the underdogs and no not the flying dog but those who feel helpless, hopeless and at the end of their ropes. I also know it is time to do work that I am good at and enjoy! I deserve that and work with people as a job coach or case  manager for those who do not have severe and persistent mental disabilities is a way for me to go. Well either that or a bartender, that way I can serve drinks and still talk to people but I really do want my nights free.. What will my next job be, who knows, but what I do know, Iwill be grateful for this AHA moment!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Chosen People???

Today has not been a really good day. It is setting in how dire things are and though I have faith that things are getting better, today was not one of them. Now, I can bitch and moan about how bad things are and that will not help me much. Oh hell what am I saying YES it will help! Damn damn damn and damn it again. Today I had to go to a food bank. Now that is not all that bad in this economy, but it is difficult for someone who sent people there in need is having to utilize it. Okay on the funny side, and there is one, there are some very interesting people who frequent the food banks. In line I saw an over 60 (and I mean she was probably 70ish) standing in line with slouch boots tights and short shorts. Very sweet but the look was not quite to be expected. People driving expensive cars, some with drivers living in Brentwood, old people, young people, Black, White and Latino so I guess I am in good company. During the intake I was greeted by a wonderful woman who, when I talked about my background, exclaimed."hell I would hire you in a minute. Then came the dreaded words..."if we had the money" Yes those words have been drilled in my head for the past 2 years. If we only had the money.... Okay, now I was brought up that we were the Chosen People. So if we were so Chosen, why haven't I been.. You need to say the last line out loud with a Jewish accent whatever that means!

Anyway, I was told to keep up my spirits that I would be hired soon and given 3 bags of food much of it I can't eat but am grateful to be able to share it with some friends who can and need it too. I guess the tough part is trying hard to combat a deep depression while all the time trying to believe I am a valued person in society which becomes more frustrating the longer I am without a job. Yes there are people far worse off than I. At least I have friends that care, have a roof over my head and food in the fridge so who am I to complain. But those who know me, I would not be me if I at least did not complain a little bit.

I know tomorrow will be another day, and yes things will get better, and yes, I am loved, and yes, there is a job out there just waiting for me and YES THERE IS HOPE!. So my question to God is, and this is such an old joke....So if things are this bad and we are the Chosen People....God....Can you PLEASE chose someone else for a change!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

And it continues...

My friends have asked me to blog again. So under EXTREME duress I will blog. My mother always told me if I had nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. Apparently that does not hold true to writing so fasten your seat belts, this is going to be a bumpy ride.

2011 was not the greatest of years. Two years without working, lost my sweet cat Jillian, I mean she passed away not like left on her own. My unemployment was running out. Lost my insurance and most of my mind to stress. My gym changed ownership and raised the rates and lost many of the staff I loved. My mom had a tough year with her treatment and well as you know troubles with my beloved neighbor from hell has not made this year much better. Court three times for parking tickets. Fear of losing my home and being on the streets made my body shut down in ways I could not have imagined. I began drinking to take the stress away and I do mean a lot. I also, though eating better (no meat) found ways to gain weight anyways. I have always said my weight has a homing device. It knows where I live. When the new year rolled around I have never been so happy to see 2012. Though it is a tough begining I am sensing there is a change a brewing and as long as it is not beer I think it will be for the best.

I have so many intentions for this year, first being a job and saving my apartment until I can move to a place where I do not have to tread lightly. You who know what is happening understand what I mean by that. Another intention is to do something every month that is out of my comfort zone. This can be online dating, comedy, running naked through the streets of L.A....oh shit did I write that down....well don't worry folks unless I need a place to stay (like jail) that WILL NOT HAPPEN, please breathe easy.

For the moment I am scared. My unemployment ran out, I am not eligible for any state services except food stamps. GR will not work because I have an apartment and I can not get the free loans because I do not have a job. I now know the meaning of a catch 22. Soooooooo, even though I am in dire straights right now I am not giving up hope! My friends have been awesome. They have kept my spirits high, when the other spirits do not work. Their love and support has kept my feet on the ground and not in the air with me hanging from a light fixture.  Do not worry folks I have no hanging light fixture in my apartment.

This blog will be my new journey this year, plus hoping a way to vent without biting heads off of chickens or drinking myself under the table. I am looking forward to taking this journey with you...yes you, I see you shaking your, my friends, old and new, who when I do my stand up again I will NOT tell you since many of you will be in it!  Thank you all especially John and my two A's for keeping me from going completely insane, yes I know I have been partially insane but I have been that way for years!

So this is the end of my first blog of 2012. May it be a journey we all have some fun with, shed some tears and have a laugh or hundred along the way!  Thank you for joining me and I will work for food and money and at this time a house cleaner!!!! Oh and comments are welcome, just remember I am fragile like bull!  :)