Saturday, August 27, 2011

The blue flu

Today, I am feeling blue.... not upset, not angry, just blue. Last night the lecture was on forgiveness. The man giving the lecture was great and he gave us a lot of good info on how to forgive our self and others. When we went into the lounge to see a movie about forgiveness and talk a little more, I realized I was mad at God. My life has been blessed by so many wonderful angels on earth but for some reason my life has not been so hot. I had blamed God for all the abuse that was heaped on me when I was a child which molded me to this person that is addictive, vindictive, people pleasing and often a doormat for others feelings. I am looking into learning how to please myself, forgive myself and to live a life that I was meant to live not what I thought I would do.

My relationship with God has often been estranged. When I stubbed my toe, I blamed God, when I fell I yelled at God "why me." When I lost my job, I had some choice words to my employer but God was also in the mix. I think God is easier to blame and I can't see Him so I feel safe to explode to God instead of the people or myself who I am really upset with. Forgiving myself for being mad at God is hard, but as the lecturer stated that might be the most important thing I could do.

Tonight is part two of the lecture so we shall see what happens. On the lighter side we are going on a picnic today and a hike which should be fun! I will let you all know the out come.


  1. Judith, you are an amazing woman. Thank you for your revealing, honest portraits of each day.

    I am very interested in the topic of Forgiveness; have a workshop on it. So, I will love finding out what else you learn during your lecture and beyond.

    Cheers and big hugs to you. xoA

  2. No surprise that you are feeling a little blue. You have been learning and reflecting a lot, plus you are detoxing. Detoxing usually has the side effect of feeling down or emotional (angry, anxious, etc.). It will soon pass. Sending love and prayers for strength. xo Amina